You, you, the world, you’re full of surprises, aren’t you? I remember watching some of Milla Jovovich’s RESIDENT EVIL movies a few years ago and thinking they couldn’t possibly get any worse than this, and yes, that felt like an easy time, but with the last breath of 2021 comes RESIDENT EVIL Welcome to Raccoon City, aka Welcome to Hell, and I know you’re trouble when you walk into Claire Red Fielder’s time. If you’re a fan of the Articles series of games and have loved the name since Playstation 1, then you’ll have noticed a character in the Articles series and her brother is in it, Chris, the enhanced brother on steroids. The brother that led to I don’t know who this guy is, but my wife does and she immediately points him out, she’s doing something with her phone, probably the same thing I was doing, looking for the actor from the movie, all the article game fan favourites are here, played by actors that don’t look like them, Jill Valentine Albertwesker aydah wong and resident evil4 fans will be upset that leon is also playing a complete idiot in this, he’s a joke force, they think he’s awful, you know he kinda does, although he has hair, he has that beautiful flowing hair, he gets to kind of pop back into the role of the gorgeous man gorgeous actor piss-poor, but Zany’s character has been a bit of an injustice fair, because no one in this movie is really anything the script is such that I can’t even describe it I’ll try, I’ll try We follow Redfields mainly as Claire returns to Raccoon City after being away for quite a while you see she and her brother grew up in an orphanage as children and she befriends a creepy girl creature that lives underground at least that’s what the creature says she says I live down there, what’s down there? I can’t wait to find out we don’t know, we don’t know what’s down there we really don’t know what’s going on in this film although in the last 20 minutes or so they try to explain something there’s a handy clip show where you just turn on the projector I guess I guess in the 80’s we used a projector what’s more interesting is that the footage on the projector was apparently shot with a 4K HD camera they put the laziest film grain on it that you can think of I mean the picture is very clear, there’s only a few grains, it’s very impressive I mean the picture is very clear and the technology in the 80’s or 70’s was very impressive, it should have been a VHS tape, they could have put it in a VCR but I know we wanted to give a nod to the game in the article, I hope at some point the the characters would go to the typewriter.
I thought the characters would go to the typewriter and hit save and we could go on to the movie later, or better yet, not continue. Listen, I’ve played a lot of RESIDENT EVIL games and I never play them for the story, usually after half an hour all the story disappears and it becomes completely Mickey Mouse, so the fact that the script is trying to be true. I don’t think that was a good idea or a good look.
I would say that there is nothing exhilarating about this film, there are only one or two jump scares in the whole film, the camera slowly moves to objects that don’t cause any reaction, it’s like watching the atmosphere, there is a chair that doesn’t even move and a doll that isn’t that scary, that’s all they have to offer, if there is a lot of swearing, I missed it, I was watching this film that It was very late to watch it. At one point I accidentally touched the console controller, which is when I was watching it, it fast forwarded about 20 minutes I think, so I tried to rewind it and then realised I didn’t even care Well, so maybe I missed some swearing, I certainly didn’t miss any violence or excessive gore, there were a couple of scenes where zombies were eating people and they were gorging themselves, which wasn’t good, it didn’t look cool, it wasn’t good at all, somehow why, this movie this movie is only an hour and a half long, but manages to be both fast moving and seat of the pants this movie is both fast and slow, if you want to call it that, it’s cinematography ranges from passable to terrible there’s a scene where our two main characters go into a lift shaft and I thought I was looking at something on a porn site there’s a lot of talk about sex in this review, let’s move on this is a rant that I apologise for not staying focused I realise I was trying to tell you the plot but then got carried away with all the bullshit really, I kinda talked about the whole thing though uh, Chris and his sister were brought up in an orphanage and she kinda went away and did her own thing and learned to chill and then she went back to Raccoon City to get her brother out of there because some crazy lunatic was on YouTube um said that there was doom and gloom in the town and they were doing experiments with poisoning things in the water she had a bad feeling about it so she went to see her brother who was five years old and he wasn’t excited about her coming and the whole town was abandoned with just seven or eight cops and a guy who worked in a restaurant and they said that was the main thing and a semi truck driver who was running around all the time and that was the majority of the people. Why not let the place burn to the ground? I mean that’s what happens at the end, the main problem of all the problems there are a lot of them, is that there’s no plot, there’s no story, she goes to save her brother, which leads them to investigate all these places, starting with the first resident evil game, you know you’re at the police station, then you go to the mansion, then you’re at the orphanage, I don’t even know if the orphanage is in the first resident evil, if this is a recap of a later film, it’s been a long time ago, it’s been a long time ago, anyway they didn’t do anything but survive these situations and find little clues that end up being fruitless and useless and then with just over 20 minutes left in the film I think they thought it was the best time to introduce Nemesis time, we threw him into the movie and I think they definitely ended it with a teaser for a terrible sequel because the guy injected himself with the serum and they would do a slow-mo where he starts turning into the nemesis, or I’m your real nemesis, like the end of Venom where he says it’s time for a massacre yeah, no, they actually went all out on the nemesis, very, very badly, they took him out pretty easily it was so bad it was over, it was straight up over, the town was destroyed, spoiler alert, there was a countdown at 6am.
It’s another weird episode but there’s no follow up, a guy has a blueberry or a blackberry or something in his locker and it says the whole town will be destroyed at 6am and he thinks, oh god, well that’s all we know, he’s just working with some Umbrella people for some reason and, er, yeah, it goes off and then our main characters, five or six of them walk towards the camera. We see some horrible green font with some text on it because it’s also a callback to the game and then it’s over resident evil welcome to raccoon city which is interesting because when the film starts it’s just called resident evil and they didn’t bother to put the subtitle on it they didn’t put the subtitle on it they put H2 at the The end of the film, the second title is good stuff, just good stuff, there are horrible CG effects everywhere, bad action, bad gore, there’s nothing to praise here, it’s really, really bad unless you’re a huge fan. Unless you’re dying to see another bad RESIDENT EVIL movie full of horrible references, then I think you’ll like it.
Well, that’s my take on RESIDENT EVIL. Welcome to Raccoon City. I’m really sorry I missed this movie last year.
It reminds me of something I try to bring up from time to time, when I do a top ten list or a best and worst list you have to take them with a grain of salt, I just posted a list of the worst films of 2021 and this isn’t on it because I haven’t seen it yet. Obviously I’ll go back and put this on the list, which by the way is really one of the worst films I’ve seen in 2021, let me know if you see this film in the comments below and if you avoid it, good for you, don’t don’t watch it, it’s really bad and like the article says, if you have a good time, if you don’t, hopefully I’ll see you soon, take me to raccoon city for script scheduling, however any shitty hey this is my gun and rose following me in patreon. i need money, i need help, or you can become a member on youtube by joining the button, die, i am saying goodbye, resident evil
